Pairidaeza
by 1547291
Summary: Emily reflecs on her feelings for the only good thing that Ian Doyle brought into her life.


_A/N: This is how I would like Emily to leave the show. It's been over six months since I don't write anything, so I hope my writing is not too rusty._

_Disclaimer: As always, I do not own anything from Criminal Minds or its characters._

**Pairidaeza**

Silent and shy - as if it knew not to disturb- the moonlight was peering through the white curtains of Emily's guest room. The soft moonbeams casting a bright shadow that illuminated the left side of the child's face, caressing her delicate features; and all Emily could think of was, the meaning behind the phrase 'fate works in mysterious ways'. At the moment, she was convinced that it was indeed true.

Emily couldn't help but to be happy at the idea of having her daughter finally with her. Despite she only saw her baby once - right after she was born - there was not even one day of her life in which she didn't think about her little girl.

When Emily found out that she was pregnant – and by a criminal like Ian Doyle nonetheless - she was a bit confused about her feelings. She was not sure about anything, but she knew that, after what happened when she was fifteen, she couldn't let the story repeat itself again. And that's when she realised that, she wanted her baby more than anything is this world, regardless who his or her father was.

But as the pregnancy went along, she also realised that - as much as she wanted - she couldn't keep her baby. Even when she refused to accept it, she knew that, if Doyle ever found out that she bore a child for him, he would come after the baby and do everything in his power to make her pay for having lied to him, and she couldn't let it happen. That was when she made the most difficult decision of her life- to give her baby up for adoption as soon as it was born. Little did Emily know that, the adoption was going to be temporary, because seven years later, her daughter was going to come back to her and 'thanks' to the intervention of Ian Doyle's nonetheless.

Sitting on the edge of the bed, she ran the back of her hand over her daughter's smooth cheek and she was surprised when a wide smile spread all over her face. Emily always knew that she loved her daughter dearly, but she did not realise just how much until she saw her baby again.

Her seven-year old was perfect! And even when she hasn't spent much time with her, Emily could tell that Kiara was a sweet and extraordinary little girl and nothing like her father.

While she kept watching Kiara's sleep, a soft knock on the door pulled her back from her reverie, and pushing herself up from the bed, she casted one last glance on her daughter's direction and - once she made sure that the girl was still soundly asleep - she left the room and went straight to open the door, before whoever was at the other side of the door, decided to knock again.

Looking through the peephole, she was greeted by his warm smile. And shaking her head slightly, she pushed the door open.

"Hello Princess" his smile grew even wider upon seeing Emily.

"Hello Hotch"! leaning against the door frame, she offered him an authentic, yet tired smile in return.

"What are you doing here?" she asked as she opened the door widely to let him in.

"I just dropped by to check up on you and the little princess. I wanted to know how were you doing?"

"Thanks Hotch, we're doing fine. Can I offer you something"? she asked him while leading him to the living room.

"No thanks" he said, looking intently at her.

An awkward silence engulfed them, until Hotch was the one to speak again.

"So, how are you really doing? He asked stressing a bit on the word _really_ and pointing at the bandage covering her left arm.

Emily offered him a tight smile and guided him to the sofa, so they could both have a sit before proceeding to answer his question.

"It hurts a bit, but I should be fine in a couple of days… or so the doc said" Once again she offered him a smile, but unlike last time, the furrows in his brow let her know that he was not taking any of it.

"Oh c'mon Hotch, we both know it could've been much worse, so don't give me _that_ look" she said shaking her head and focusing her attention on the window and the night view. She let her mind wander to what had happened the last couple of days.

Sean's visit, the flower that Doyle sent her, the fear that she felt upon finding out that Ian was after their daughter, the way Kiara's adoptive parents were brutally murdered by Ian Doyle, and how the 'battle' between her and Doyle finally took place.

Shifting a little on her seat and feeling slightly uncomfortable by Hotch's gaze on her, she realised that he was right, her shoulder hurt a lot, but it was just a gaze. On the other hand, Doyle was dead! Gone for good and she could be at peace knowing that he was never going to come back to hunt them down, moreover, that her daughter was save and that horrible chapter of her life was finally closed. No more threats and no more lies that might jeopardize her life, her daughter's future and the relationship with her friends - her BAU family. All she had to focus on now was in the things to come.

"And what are you planning to do?" Hotch's question took her a bit aback, the man always seem to know what was running through her mind.

"I don't know" her reply was hesitant but honest. "I think that, for the first time, I really need time for myself. I need to spend time with Kiara, to help her cope and to bond with her. She doesn't know me and, even when she's not rejecting me either, I'm pretty sure that the upcoming days are going to be really tough on the both of us". She paused, but Hotch didn't add something to what she was saying so she chose to continue telling him about her plans, secretly grateful that he didn't interrupt her and somehow scared of what he might ask.

"I think I'll talk to Strauss and I'll ask her for a temporary leave, I know I won't be able to handle the situation with Kiara and the job at the same time. I need time to gather my thoughts and to seize my options. I don't even know if I'll be willing to go back to the BAU, even when things are settled with Kiara. I am very confused at this moment, I think" she finally revealed a little more about her feelings.

When she finished talking, she realised that Hotch was still looking intently at her and not for the first time in that night, she felt a bit unease. She was damn sure that she preferred him talking than looking at her- somehow, she was afraid of the unspoken words that were running through his mind.

After a few moments, he finally gathered the courage to ask her the only thing that has been running through his mind since the entire ordeal began. "Why you didn't tell me - or the team - about her? or about your former work in Interpol"

Letting a puff of air escape her lips, she rolled her eyes and looked at him. "I was embarrassed of what I did - and I'm not just talking about having given Kiara up for adoption, but about everything. I wanted to bury the past and the only way I had to do it was to not talk about it, not ever". Taking his bigger hand into her slender one she continued, "You know what it is like, Hotch, and out of everyone on the team, I am pretty sure you're the one who might be able to understand me best.

Hanging his head, he squeezed her hand. "I do understand you, I just wish… you would've talked to me"

"I know, and I'm sorry, but truth is that, if I had to do everything again - from the beginning - I would do it the exact same way" She let him know, her eyes full of confidence in her words.

"Maybe I've never said this to you before but… I'm here for you and I'm always going to be here, I mean it Emily" he said, looking at her.

"I know…" she offered him a watery smile.

They held each others gaze for what seemed an eternity, the dim light of the lamp on the small table next to the sofa engulfing them.

Hotch finally broke the silence and they seemed to be pulled back from the peaceful place they travelled to when their eyes were locked in each others.

"I gotta get going. Are you sure the two of you are gonna be okay?"

"Yep" she said, nodding her head vigorously and trying to hold back the tears that were threatening to come out any minute.

"Okay then. I'll see you around" he offered Emily a warm smile, a smile that made her feel safe and secure at the same time. "Don't become a stranger" he warned her playfully.

"I have your number, I know where to find you, plus, with Penelope keeping tabs on me and on Kiara, it would be kind of hard, don't you think?" she punched his arm lightly.

"Okay then, see you". But before he could get to the door, he felt her soft hand grabbing him by the arm and pulling him to her. Next thing he realised, her arms were snaked around his torso. Even when the gesture took him aback, he didn't waste the opportunity and responded to her hug in kind, inhaling into her scent and being extra careful to not hurt her injured arm any further. The time seemed to stand still as they were in front of her apartment door, clinging into one another.

"Thank you" her soft vice came more as a whisper as it was muffled by his chest, where Emily's head was buried. 

Emily kept holding him tight, but she pulled her head a bit in order to look into his eyes. "Thank you Hotch, thanks for everything" this time, she let one lonely tear escape her eyes and ran down her right cheeks.

"You're very welcome Em" he said, wiping the tear from her cheek with his thumb.

They kept holding until they finally broke apart with a heavy sigh.

"Do not hesitate to call me if either of you need anything, and I mean it" Hotch offered her at the time he leaned forward and kissed her forehead.

"I will" she assured him.

Closing the door behind him, she put the deadbolt on and walked back towards the living room. Taking a deep breath she sat down where minutes before she had been sitting with Hotch and a soft smile caressed her lips. She never imagined that things were ever going to be like this. And even when she wasn't proud of her past actions, she knew that all that happened was what led her to where she was now. With her little daughter by her side and surrounded by wonderful people such as the BAU family, and it was something that she never dared to imagine was ever going to happen again. Honestly, what else could she ask for?

Feeling Sergio scrubbing against her legs, she looked down and was about to pick up the cat when she noticed that Kiara was standing by her side. Emily smiled and looked at her daughter's beautiful brown eyes - that mirrored her own- looking intently back at her.

"Are you okay?" Emily asked Kiara, but the question did not elicit any kind of response on the little girl's behalf. Instead, Kiara shifted her attention to her small hands - which seem to be more interesting than her mother's question.

"Did you have a nightmare"? Emily tried a different question, but still, no words came for Kiara's mouth.

"Would you like to sleep with me"? came Emily's offer in a hope to get some kind of reaction out of the little girl. Apparently, this last question did the trick, because Kiara shifted her attention from her hands to her mother. Kiara finally looked at Emily and nodded - a soft smile caressing her lips.

"Okay then, bed time it is. C'mon kiddo" Emily pushed herself up from the couch and offered her hand at Kiara, but instead of taking it, Kiara lifted her arms so Emily could carry her. Kiara's actions surprised Emily, mostly because she did not expect them- at least not so soon- but it filled her with happiness nonetheless, because it meant that Kiara trusted her and that maybe soon, they were going to be able to bond and to be a real family. Carefully, she lifted her daughter up from the floor and settled her on her hip. Kiara's arms held tight on Emily and her head immediately came to rest on the crook of her mother's neck. Emily turned off the light and, carrying her daughter, she made her way up to her room, Sergio in tow.

**The End.**


End file.
